Therapists are not immune to therapy abuse.
The aim of this blog is to stop colleague abuse, here defined as sexual abuse of a female therapist/trainee by a male therapist in a superior position (teacher, trainer, supervisor etc.) from whom she had sought or been offered therapy. A second aim is to hold abusive therapists and those who hire them accountable for their actions, a third to help the victims process and overcome the abuse.
The blog has three parts. The first contains information about therapy abuse in general and colleague abuse in particular, the second testimonies and part three self-help techniques. Complete the contact form to leave a testimony or learn about the self-help-techniqes. The contact form can also be used to leave information that can lead to abusive therapists being identified and reported
PART ONE
Colleague abuse, like other therapy abuse, includes sexual or other exploitation of clients for the therapist’s own advantage. This applies to both current clients and those having been in therapy within the last two years, whether or not it was consensual. Note, no therapy abuse occurs in the absence of therapist’s intent.
Therapy abuse*
The abuse is typically initiated by the abusive therapists by planting a seed of eroticism. The common misconception that it is the client who initiate the abuse is thus to be regarded as victim blaming. Besides, as with any other form of behavior displayed by clients, it is to be analysed, not acted upon!
Abusive therapists thus set the stage for seducing their victims long before their more direct seductive comments and actions. What’s seductive to the clients is the potential for having a singular and close relationship with an individual who seemingly has the power to calm and cure.
The slide down this “slippery slope,” from a professional relationship to sexual exploitation, may begin at any point in the therapy. Early on, such boundary violations are mild incursions, unrecognisable by the clients and just as elusive to third-party professionals.
Client characteristics.
No specific client characteristics have been found that can predict therapy abuse. The only unifying attribute is having sought therapy. Ironically, those most likely to become victims are those who come to trust totally in the abusive therapist and the therapy.
The breakdown of therapeutic boundaries is subtle and gradual. Many behaviors of an abusive therapist are appropriate in a healthy therapy, such as installing safety and predictability in the therapeutic relationship, while others are not, such as seeing a client outside the professional setting, e.g., for dinner.
Abusive therapists may justify such behavior by telling the victim that she is special, that he has never felt this way about any client before, and that the boundary violations are okay because of the special nature of their relationship. If a client expresses discomfort or pushes the abusive therapist away, he may become angry or dismissive, rather than willing to discuss her concerns.
*Therapyabuse.org
Colleague abuse
Why colleague abuse occurs.
Like all types of therapy abuse, colleague abuse occurs for the excitement and pleasure of the abuser. Successful seduction may lead to a constant search for new victims, i.e., abusive therapists spend hours on planning and fantasising about how to lure their next victim into the abuse – and about the sex itself.
Where abusive therapist find their vicitims.
Abusive therapists typically establish contact with their victims while teaching at psychotherapy schools. A perfect setting would be a master class where most therapists are women who want to work on their own issues. This gives abusive therapist a golden opportunity to bond with and start seducing their victims.
Characteristics of abusive therapists.
Taking advantage of others requires a certain amount of self-absorption, thrill-seeking, lack of morality, empathy and loyalty with the colleagues who are taken advantage of, as well as obsession with sex. This makes abusive therapists dangerous predators if given free rein and free access to victims.
Victims of colleague abuse, like other victims of sexual harassment, typically blame themselves, probably even more than regular clients; they are therapists themselves and should have identified the manipulative strategies used by the abusive therapist’s right away, but even when they did, they were stuck. Why?
They can dwell on this question for years, confused about what happened and their own responsibility for the abuse.
Three stages of colleague abuse.
In the first stage, victims are lulled into a sense of security, in the second, the therapeutic relationship is eroticised through intimate glances, gestures, sensual touching and seductive words etc. In the third stage, the abusive relationship is fully established.
Stage dependent feelings.
In the first stage, victims tend to feel safe, in the second confused and excited at the same time, and in the third, deceived and unhappy. The last stage can pass on into a “couple relationship”, which however is still considered abusive if the abuse started within 2 years after the professional relationship ended.
Risk of re-traumatization.
Like most clients, victims of colleague abuse report childhood trauma such as sexual buse, neglect and betrayal of trust, i.e., colleague abuse leaves the victim re-traumatized and “double-betrayed” in a painful state of mind which will take them years to recover from – if ever.
How to identify abusive therapists.
That’s the problem. They are not so easily identified. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing, skilled manipulators giving others the impression of being serious and trustworthy. Once the victim has been lured into a sense of safety, the rest of the seduction process is pretty straightforward.
Extent of colleague abuse.
There are no numbers, probably due to the secrecy surrounding the abuse; abusive therapists fear being reported and their victims rejection. Other colleagues are thus usually not aware of the abuse, or if they are, may view the abusive relationship as an equal relationship between colleagues.
Culture of silence.
Therapy schools and institutions that are hiring abusive therapists as teachers, trainers or supervisors etc. are probably not aware of their abusive tendencies but they may ignore the warning signals if they profit financially or socially from collaborating with them, or they may join forces.
Responsibility for colleague abuse.
Abusing therapists are solely responsible for the abuse while therapy schools and institutions that are hiring them are responsible for protecting their students/trainees from being abused, and if they are aware of the abuse, obliged to report the authorities about it.
How colleague abuse ends.
Colleague abuse last as long as abusive therapists want it to last. When they find no more excitement and pleasure in abusing a victim, they end the relationship. Abusive relationships may also end as the victims’ health deteriorate or if the abusive relationship is transitioned into a couple relationship.
PART TWO
Testimonies
Sharing testimonies.
The #metoo movement has shown that writing and sharing testimonies is helpful for processing and overcoming experiences of sexual abuse but also for identifying sexually abusive men in superior positions to hold them accountable for their actions.
Examples of testimonies.
Below Anna’s and Susan’s testimonies. Although the two testimonies have many differences, they also share some similarities, for example, they were both shocked and confused by the sudden shift in their therapists’ behavior, and they stayed in the abusive relationship for years.
Anna’s testimony.
My therapist was twice my age. One day, in the midst of a session, he said and did something that I hadn’t expected. I was in shock and hurried out the door, yet continued in therapy for many years. The therapy became very destructive. Some months after this, I learned that he had married a younger colleague whom he had been supervising. The marriage had stirred emotions among my colleagues, which finally helped me realise that I was a victim of abuse.
Susan’s testimony.
My therapist was my therapy teacher. He initiated the therapy. I felt honoured and safe until he suddenly approached me sexually. I was shocked and pushed him away, totally confused. He withdrew coldly, which made me even more confused but also terrified of rejection. He terminated the therapy and stopped contacting me. I was in despair and contacted him after a while. We met. This was the beginning of a sexually abusive relationship that lasted for years.
Examples of information that may lead to identification of abusive therapists.
Carolyn’s information.
He was a very good looking man in his fifties, about 6 ft tall with dark hair. He was teaching in a small group and we stayed overnight at an exclusive resort. We were all amazed by his therapeutic skills. He seemed especially interested in interacting with the most attractive women in the class. There were rumors that he had an affaire with one of them, which I think was true.
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